Not the First
by Annber03
Summary: Kristen reflects on what she's learned about Judy, as well as David's past in general. Tag to episode 1x11 ("Room 320").


**January 2020 Fanfiction Reddit Prompt:** Firsts.

_It's like a spiral._

Kristen watched the second hand on the huge clock in the waiting room make its usual 360 degree trek. It was almost..._hypnotizing_.

_Strange, though. The second hand moves so fast._ _But time moves so slow..._ The last time she remembered looking at the numbers on the clock, it was two am. Now it was...two-oh-five.

Course, they weren't working a case anymore. Time seemed to fly by then. Now she and Ben were just...waiting. She could feel her eyelids grow heavy as she let out a yawn.

_No._ She slapped her cheek, shifting and straightening in her chair. _Focus, Kristen. David's counting on you. You can't let this place get to you, too._ She _had_ to stay awake and alert. _Somebody_ needed to keep watch until David could be released from this creepshow of a hospital. Especially since Bloch was still in the wind.

At least she could take comfort in knowing that Richard had been caught. Ben had informed her of that news upon his return to the hospital. He'd suggested she go home and get some rest, but she wasn't comfortable with the thought of their little team being separated from each other right now, hence the two of them spending the night in the hospital. One would sleep for a couple hours while the other kept watch, and then they'd trade.

Kristen looked over at Ben. He was currently sprawled out in his seat, legs awkwardly stretched out to the side, head dangling off the back of the chair. His arms were folded, and he was snoring. She winced at the image. _He'll definitely feel that ache tomorrow. _

To her surprise, Judy hadn't joined them. She'd wanted to, Ben had explained, and planned to visit the following day. But she had a few things to take care of at home first. Kristen idly wondered what those things might be.

"_She was you. Before you."_

Ben's recent words kept echoing in Kristen's mind. That was how she first learned about Judy James. The woman who'd been part of the team before her.

She shouldn't have been surprised by that news, really. It made sense that Ben and David wouldn't have stayed a duo up to now. Too much difference in their beliefs. Sure, they respected each other and got on well, but they needed that buffer. The fulcrum to balance their seesaw, as it were.

And yet, that revelation threw her anyway. Judy's opening words to her when they'd met didn't exactly help matters.

"_You're David's type. Smart, intellectual." _

Her stomach coiled as she mulled over Judy's words. _What did she mean, "David's type"? _The implications of that question had her mind going places that, up to now, she'd been trying to avoid acknowledging. One was the complicated issue of her attraction to him, yes (and the fact he liked smart women only made him that much more..._intriguing_). But the other concern, well...that one was more troubling. That one had her analytic brain working overtime, going back through her own history with David, and noticing some things that, now she thought about them, struck her odd.

There was the way she'd met David, for instance. He'd just shown up seemingly out of nowhere one day, immediately ready to offer her protection, and later, a job. Almost as though he'd done this before.

He kept stressing the importance of her abilities as a psychologist. Her skill set was the same kind Judy had possessed, yet she hadn't worked out in the end. Just what new element, or kind of help, was David expecting Kristen to offer that Judy hadn't, or couldn't?

And if _she_ didn't work out, that led to the obvious question: what did that mean for Kristen? Neither Ben nor David ever explained just what happened to drive her away from her work. Was that why they didn't tell her about Judy sooner, for fear she wouldn't work with them? Had Leland gotten to her at some point, too? David was already familiar with him, so if Judy worked with David, surely that meant she knew Leland, too. Right? Certainly would explain her paranoia.

All these worries and questions were enough to make her head hurt. This was far too much for her to be thinking about right now, especially given the ungodly hour. She needed to get up and move around for a while.

Kristen stood, stretching, before putting on her coat and making her way over to the window. Even bundled up, she could still feel the cold air seeping in as she leaned against the windowsill. No wonder the waiting room was so chilly. But Kristen didn't mind. The cold seemed to be just the jolt she needed, actually.

She had a hard time keeping focus, though. Every so often she couldn't help looking over her shoulder, the slightest noise catching her attention. It was hard to tell what unnerved her more, the nurses coming and going, or the long periods of eerie silence in between. All she could think of were those hospital bracelets in Bloch's locker. So many people who weren't as fortunate as David. Did they have loved ones who'd tried to save them, too? Did their loved ones even know what was happening to them? Why didn't somebody try to stop Bloch before now?

The irony of the situation wasn't lost on Kristen. On the one hand, being in this hospital had put David in more danger. But on the other hand, if somebody hadn't brought him here in the first place…

No. She couldn't bear to let herself finish that thought.

Eventually, the cold air started to dull and dampen, and Kristen backed away from the window. This time, however, instead of returning to her seat, she made a beeline for David's room. Visiting hours be damned, she _needed_ to see him. Just for a couple moments.

She steeled herself as she prepared to enter his room. Sure, she'd been here a few times already these past couple days, but it still didn't get any easier seeing him like this. Plus, the constant rush of the case meant she hadn't had the time to fully take in just how bad off he looked. Now, as she stood in the doorway, observing him in his bed, all bloodied and bandaged and bruised, it sent a deep chill through her body, one that beat any cold weather.

It didn't seem right. It wasn't _fair_. He was too strong. Too tough. This was _exactly_ the sort of thing she'd tried to impress upon David during their talk about miracles and prayer a few months back. How could a God exist that could possibly let something like this happen to somebody who'd put so much faith in Him? Who wanted to serve Him?

She crept to his bedside, pulled up a chair, and settled in. "Hey," she whispered, placing a hand atop his. "It's me, Kristen."

No response. David was sound asleep. Kristen kept her eyes on his chest. Still rising and falling. Good.

"Ben's asleep, too, out in the waiting room. We're going to stay until you get out of here," she continued. "We miss our third Musketeer.." She tried to smile at her joke; instead, her lips trembled and her eyes stung with tears.

_Did Judy do __things like __this, too?_ _Was she there to comfort him when he had a rough day? __Would he let her?_

She bit her lip. God, but she hated thinking things like this. She normally wasn't the jealous type.

_I'm not jealous. I'm just...concerned._ So many strange people came in and out of these guys' lives, after all. She felt she had a right to wonder how good, how trustworthy they were.

_Ben's a pretty good judge of character, though. He wouldn't have let me meet her if she posed a threat. And she didn't. She's a perfectly nice person. _She'd helped them find Richard, and was genuinely concerned about David.

So what was the problem, then? What was it about Judy that bothered her so much?

The answer, when it came, seemed so simple that Kristen could've smacked herself for not seeing it sooner. It wasn't Judy. At least, not her specifically. It was the mystery _surrounding_ her. _There's too many __unknowns__._ Her mind was already jumbled enough as it was, with this bizarre case and David giving her that Bible verse and having to put together more pieces of the puzzle about the sixty. Now there was Judy, the latest in a growing list of women from David's past for her to learn about, alongside Julia and Renee. It was the straw that broke the camel's back.

More to the point, Judy was another part of David's life that she had to learn about in a roundabout manner. It was a lawsuit that revealed to her the details of his past struggles with drugs and sex. It was Leland who told her to ask him about "the first time he saw God", and even when David did tell her, his answer remained vague. It was Ben who told her he was studying to be a priest. It seemed like so much of what she knew about David came from other people, not from him. He did share some things about his life, yes, but it all came rather piecemeal.

She sympathized with his desire to keep secrets, really, she did. She knew better than anyone the importance of that – she was seeing a therapist, after all. There was so much she'd shared in those sessions that she hadn't intended anyone else to know. That's what bothered her the most about that whole lawsuit. David's secrets were dragged out against his will, similar to the way Leland had exposed her secrets. She wouldn't wish that experience on anyone.

But now she was visiting David in a hospital. A man she'd never heard about until now, somebody David had tried to help, somebody Judy had aided him in trying to help, had _attacked_ him. He could've _died_. What's more, this man had also targeted her daughters with a game. It was as if a dam had burst recently, and seemingly all the people David knew, all the experiences he'd had, the cases he'd worked, were coming back at once. And their impacts were far-reaching. It was overwhelming, and left Kristen feeling like she was constantly playing catch-up.

David probably hadn't expected he'd see Richard _or_ Judy again, of course, and truthfully, even if she had known about that case sooner, was there really much else she and David could've done that he and Judy hadn't already tried? She'd seen enough, both in this job and her prior one, to know that, despite one's best efforts, some people unfortunately slipped through the cracks.

_Still...it __wouldn't__ have hurt to know._ At this point, Kristen decided, one couldn't be too prepared. There were cases and people she hadn't been involved with that she'd needed to study in her former line of work. Why should this be any different?

_I could've asked, too. Hell, I should've asked._ This job may have started off as a quick way for her to make a little extra money, but it was clear by now that she was in for the long haul. It was probably well past time for her to start reading up on old cases and learning more about the people David and Ben had met and worked with in the past. Certainly not like they'd object or anything, she knew they'd help her out where possible and give her whatever information she needed.

She tore her eyes away from David's chest long enough to glance at his face. At long last, he seemed to be finally getting some decent sleep. His face actually looked peaceful.

_Trust him. Remember that._ If Leland's attempts to make her doubt David weren't working, this surely wouldn't, either.

Kristen gently squeezed David's hand before leaning back, pleased to find this chair was a little more comfortable than the one in the waiting room. She continued to watch him until, finally, she drifted off to sleep as well.


End file.
